Grief does not always look like falling apart.

Sometimes you keep working. You keep smiling. You keep showing up. From the outside, you appear strong. Meanwhile, you may not even realize how numb you have become.

In this episode of The Author’s Mic™, I sat down with author Danielle Boone to talk about grief, resilience, and the story behind her book, In the Absence Of: Finding Confidence in Quiet Spaces.

Watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/lnpwzJfLbV4

When Writing Reveals What You Have Been Carrying

Danielle’s background is in television writing and producing. After losing her father, her mother, and several other people in between, she continued working without realizing how deeply those losses had affected her.

While working on a project, Danielle’s writing partner told her that she was not bringing her full creativity to the work. He challenged her to write for 30 days without worrying about structure or whether the writing would become a story.

She simply needed to write.

That exercise gave Danielle the space to stop moving through her everyday responsibilities and pay attention to what she was actually feeling. The experience was similar to journaling. Once she slowed down and looked inward, years of buried emotions began surfacing.

At the end of the 30 days, Danielle thought she had written a book. Her writing partner told her that what she had written was good, but it was only the beginning.

Five years later, that beginning came back into her life.

From Private Journaling to a Published Book

Danielle joined a coaching program where participants were divided into smaller groups. As people asked questions and learned more about her experiences, one woman told Danielle that she needed to put her story into a book.

That suggestion pushed Danielle beyond her natural instinct to remain private.

She did not usually share her experiences unless she believed they could help someone else. Writing the book required her to take what she had lived through and examine it more closely.

People who knew what Danielle had experienced often asked the same question: How are you still smiling?

Danielle knew resilience was part of the answer. She had always been someone who believed she could figure out how to pivot and move forward, regardless of what life placed in front of her.

But she wanted to understand what had actually helped her survive those losses.

What lessons had she learned? What had she discovered underneath the pain? Could those lessons help someone who did not yet know how to find their way through grief?

Those questions became part of In the Absence Of.

The title asks readers to consider what can still be found in the absence of whatever they have lost—a person, a job, a relationship, or another important part of their lives.

The loss remains real. Danielle is not suggesting that people ignore it or pretend it no longer hurts. Her work is about looking underneath that pain and asking whether there is also a lesson, a different perspective, or something that can help you move forward.

Your Story Does Not Have to Be the Worst Story

Danielle grew up on the west side of Chicago in a two-parent household. Her parents loved each other, and she generally got along with her siblings.

Because her childhood did not fit the type of difficult story people often expect, Danielle once believed her story was not important enough because it was not “bad enough.”

She also minimized painful experiences by reminding herself that someone else had been through something worse.

A lot of people do that.

We talk ourselves out of acknowledging our pain because we believe someone else has more of a right to hurt. But another person’s experience does not erase what happened to you.

When Danielle finally began speaking openly, people who had always viewed her as strong started seeing more of the real person behind that strength. Her vulnerability also gave other people permission to examine the lessons inside their own stories.

Danielle believes you never know when your story might be what helps the person standing next to you.

A well-known person on a large platform may have a powerful story, but that story may not feel connected to someone’s real life. Sometimes people need to see someone close enough to touch—someone whose experience lets them know they are not alone and that moving forward is possible.

Grief Does Not Follow a Straight Line

Life continues after loss, which means triggers can appear long after you believe you have moved forward.

A song, a holiday, a birthday, or an unexpected memory can bring the experience back. You may find yourself circling through grief again.

Danielle created The Resurgence Experience™ to help people understand those moments and learn how to interrupt the emotional pattern surrounding a trigger.

The trigger may still happen. The loss may still affect you. The goal is not to erase either one.

The goal is to recognize what is happening, respond to it differently, and reduce the amount of time you remain stuck inside that emotional cycle.

Danielle describes this as exercising your mind and emotions. Just as physical exercise requires repetition, learning to respond differently to grief takes time and practice.

It does not become easy. Loss is never easy. But the process can become less uncomfortable and easier to recognize.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

When I asked Danielle what someone could do to begin taking control of their grief, her first advice was to find a safe space to let the emotions out.

Too often, people are expected to get over a loss quickly. We do not always give ourselves enough time or room to express what we are feeling.

If you need to cry, cry.

If you need to scream, find a safe place and let it out.

Danielle compared it to the body removing something toxic. You may feel weak afterward, but releasing it creates space for healing to begin.

She also explained grief as three separate things:

You are the person.

Grief is the experience.

The emotion is what you feel in response to the experience.

The experience and the emotion are real, but neither one is your identity.

Before you can look clearly at what happened, you must give yourself permission to feel it. You do not have to perform strength for everyone around you, and you do not have to minimize your pain because someone else experienced something different.

Guest Links

Connect with Danielle Boone and The Resurgence Experience™

https://bit.ly/EnterResurgence

The Resurgence Experience™ website

http://resurgencexp.com

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/Hummibird05

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/Hummibird05

Purchase In the Absence Of: Finding Confidence in Quiet Spaces

https://www.amazon.com/Absence-Finding-Confidence-Quiet-Spaces/dp/B0CLTN2JZ4

Key Takeaways

Grief does not always look visible. You can continue functioning while feeling emotionally numb.

Writing without worrying about structure can reveal emotions you have not given yourself time to process.

Your story does not have to be worse than someone else’s story to matter.

Minimizing your loss does not help you process it.

Grief triggers may return because life continues after the initial loss.

Resilience does not mean pretending you are no longer hurting.

You can separate who you are from what you experienced and the emotions attached to it.

Giving yourself permission to feel is part of moving through grief.

Sharing your story may help someone recognize that they are not alone.

Loss is never easy, but you can practice responding to painful moments differently.

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