The Author’s Mic™: Dr. Melissa Jenner on People Pleasing, Leadership, and Trusting Yourself
People pleasing can look a lot like being good at your job.
You listen. You solve problems. You help people. You become the person everyone counts on. Then you step into leadership, and suddenly you are carrying the problems nobody else could solve while trying to keep everybody happy.
That is where my conversation with Dr. Melissa Jenner got interesting.
Melissa is the author of Everyday Leadership for People-Pleasing Introverts: Overcome Frustration, Harness Your Inner Leader, and Fine-Tune Your Communication to Lead With Confidence. Her work is especially focused on high-performing introverts who know how to get things done but may struggle with self-doubt, external validation, boundaries, and the pressure that comes with leadership.
Watch the full episode:
When Being the Problem Solver Becomes the Problem
One thing Melissa said early in our conversation made me laugh because I understood it immediately.
You are good at solving problems, so you get promoted.
And what happens when you get promoted?
They give you all the problems they could not solve.
Then sometimes they give you the people they did not know how to manage either.
Now you are sitting in the leadership position you worked for, but instead of feeling like you finally arrived, you are frustrated.
Melissa does not treat that frustration as something you should simply push down. She sees frustration as information.
There is probably an unmet expectation somewhere.
What did you expect from your team?
What did they expect from you?
What has not been communicated?
That changes the conversation from “Why is everybody driving me crazy?” to “What is actually happening here, and what needs to be addressed?”
That distinction matters because leadership is not keeping everybody happy.
I learned that one myself.
When I first stepped into leadership, I thought keeping everybody happy was part of being a good leader. Eventually, you learn that you cannot please everybody and actually lead at the same time.
People Pleasing Is Not Just About Being Nice
Melissa connects people pleasing to fear of judgment.
That fear creates doubt.
Then that doubt starts affecting decisions you already know how to make.
You start looking outside yourself for validation.
Did they like what I said?
Did I handle that correctly?
Are they happy with me?
Do they approve?
And before long, somebody else’s opinion is driving decisions that belong to you.
That part of our conversation went well beyond the workplace.
Melissa talked very openly about her own career and what it cost her personally. She achieved professionally, helped other people move forward, and built a successful career. But she also realized later that she had allowed external expectations to influence the story she was creating for her own life.
That is a much bigger conversation than leadership.
Because your job is something you do.
It is not all of who you are.
Melissa’s point was not that professional ambition is wrong. It was that you need a vision for your whole life so you are not unconsciously building one part of it at the expense of everything else.
Why Introverts Belong in Leadership
There is still this idea that leadership naturally belongs to the loudest person in the room.
Melissa pushes back on that.
Introverts bring something different.
They listen.
They analyze.
They notice things.
They tend to be empathetic and intuitive.
Those are leadership skills.
The problem is that an introvert can spend years being the excellent second-in-command, deputy, assistant, or person behind the scenes because somebody else looks more like what people traditionally expect a leader to look like.
Melissa wants people to stop assuming that support role is automatically where they belong.
If you have the ability to lead, step into leadership.
Then learn how to lead without allowing people pleasing to run the show.
Be the Thermostat, Not the Thermometer
At the end of our conversation, I asked Melissa for one thing somebody could do immediately if they recognize their own people-pleasing behavior.
Her answer was simple:
Remember that you are the thermostat, not the thermometer.
A thermometer walks into the room and reports the temperature.
A thermostat changes it.
So instead of entering a situation thinking:
What do I need to do so everybody likes me?
What do I need to say so I fit in?
How do I need to behave so nobody judges me?
Ask:
How do I want to show up here?
That requires trusting yourself.
And yes, that can be hard.
But Melissa also made another point that matters: repetition builds confidence.
You make the decision.
You practice the boundary.
You trust yourself.
Then you do it again.
Eventually, you stop asking everybody else for permission to be who you already know you are.
Guest Links
Website:
https://peoplepleasingintroverts.com/
Book: Everyday Leadership for People-Pleasing Introverts: Overcome Frustration, Harness Your Inner Leader, and Fine-Tune Your Communication to Lead With Confidence
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1966395175/
Connect with Dr. Melissa Jenner through Linktree:
https://linktr.ee/peoplepleasingintroverts
Key Takeaways
Introverts already bring valuable leadership skills to the table, including listening, analysis, empathy, and intuition.
Frustration can be a signal that there is an unmet expectation that needs to be identified and addressed.
People pleasing can be rooted in fear of judgment and a dependence on external validation.
Leadership does not mean keeping everybody happy. Boundaries are part of leading well.
You have to decide how you want to show up instead of constantly adjusting yourself to other people’s expectations.
Publishing With Bright Headed Publishing
There is actually a connection between this conversation and publishing that I think matters.
Authors can become people pleasers too.
You can spend so much time listening to what everybody says your book should be, what your cover should look like, how you should market, what platform you should use, and what kind of author you are supposed to become that eventually you cannot hear yourself anymore.
Publishing requires professional guidance, but it also requires knowing what you are building.
Bright Headed Publishing works hands-on with selected authors to help move completed or nearly completed manuscripts into professional books while also thinking about the infrastructure around those books. That can include production, formatting, cover coordination, distribution, companion resources, and positioning beyond publication day.
This is not a quick-upload operation or a one-size-fits-all publishing package. The goal is to build the book properly and think about where that book can go after it exists.
If you have a completed or nearly completed manuscript and are serious about publishing it professionally, learn more about Bright Headed Publishing:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com
Finley’s Journey Spotlight
Finley’s Journey by Jeff Hepner is one example of what it looks like when we think beyond simply getting a book published.
The book is published under the Bright Headed Publishing imprint and is part of the Classroom Creatures Chronicles series. The project connects storytelling with authentic conservation experiences and educational resources around trout life cycles, watersheds, river stewardship, and classroom learning.
And the book did not have to be the end of the project.
The Finley’s Journey Student Workbook extends the material into another resource for students and educators.
That is part of the publishing conversation I think authors should be having more often.
Not only: How do I get my book published?
But also: What else can this book become? Where can it go? Who else can it serve?
Purchase Finley’s Journey on Amazon:
Explore Finley’s Journey and the Classroom Creatures Chronicles:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com/new-releases
Download the Finley’s Journey Student Workbook:
The Author’s Mic™ — Be a Guest
If you are an author, editor, publishing professional, or creative doing meaningful work in the literary space, apply to be a guest on The Author’s Mic™:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com/be-a-guest
TrustBridge™
TrustBridge™ connects indie authors with bookstores, book clubs, podcasts, and other literary platforms through curated introductions and real relationship-building. Every author package includes a professional media kit.
For authors — TrustBridge™ Author Services:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com/trustbridgetm-author-services
For bookstores, podcasts, book clubs, and other literary partners — TrustBridge™ Partner Network:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com/partner-with-us
The Indie Author Toolkit
Practical tools and strategy for making stronger decisions throughout the author journey:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com/products/digital-product-10197841
Books From Bright Headed Publishing
Discover and support books published by Bright Headed Publishing:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com/products
Indie Reader Society™
Join a reader community created to discover and discuss books by indie authors:
https://bookclubs.com/the-indie-reader-society/join/
Free Guide: So You Wanna Write a Book
If you have a book idea but need help understanding where to begin, download the free guide:
https://brightheadedpublishing.com
Watch, Comment, and Stay Connected
Watch my full conversation with Dr. Melissa Jenner:
And then I want you to answer this:
Where does people pleasing show up most for you?
At work?
In your writing?
In your business?
In the decisions you make because you are worried about what somebody else might think?
Leave a comment and tell me.
And if you know an author, leader, creative, or professional who has spent too much time being the thermometer in the room, share this blog or episode with them.
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